yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
farters have to be the big spoon...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
