my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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