I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
