I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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