I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He better not be in your backpack
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
