My boss' voice literally gives me gas
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
