Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Houston, we have a squirter
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
