a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
