you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
