The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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