McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
