Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
