new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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