It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
