whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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