I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
