It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
