I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
