That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
