i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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