dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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