my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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