some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
