Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize