this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
