I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
