So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
