After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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