god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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