dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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