am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
