On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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