Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
