You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
