I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
