I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
God, I missed his penis.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
