Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My breasts were aching with rage.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize