Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Your cock deserves a montage
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
