He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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