AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
