Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
