In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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