I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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