Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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