I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
