Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
