I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
