Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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