I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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