do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
