Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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