We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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