If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So apparently I’m into choking now
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