During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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