My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize