Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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