And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize