Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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