Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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