where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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