Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize