found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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