all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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