Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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