Can Purell be used as lube?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
