you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
