I think scott just propositioned me for sex
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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