You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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