i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
