My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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