I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize